


the only light i know

by whim_sy



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, But Like Not Normal Pidge, But Like a Giant Robot Being Your First Line of Defense?, But Shidge is Very Real and Very Pure and Wholesome™ Promise, Canon Rarely Accepted, F/M, I'll Clean This Up Later, I'm Bad At Summaries, If Voltron Was a Really for Real War, LONG RAMBLING AUTHORS NOTES, Lesser Age Gap, Like Crack AF Later, Like What if No Robot?, Not Beta Read, Not Fully Girly Pidge?, Obnoxiously Long Authors Notes, Overly Indulgent, Pls Don't Come for Me, Someone Come Collect Me, The Author Has No Chill™, The Oddest Ships Will Be In This, does anyone read these?, everyone is legal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2018-12-31 03:09:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12123222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whim_sy/pseuds/whim_sy
Summary: takashi shirogane is the most reserved, boring (attractive) person she's ever met. he brings dessert and says, "please, call me shiro," and laughs at dad's stupid pea jokes. matt seems to find him alright though, and if matt can dorm with him for all of these months and not find a problem with him, shiro's probably alright (or matt's obtuse).(story title from a quote by pablo neruda, because wheneverisee a beautiful/poetic quote all lowercased as the title as a fic i get super hyped.)





	1. galway girl

**Author's Note:**

> okay, i haven't written a fanfic in years, so if this sounds rusty or just plain like crap... ~whoops~
> 
> hi! i'm whimsy! you're reading this! are you sure? it's unbeta'd, super indulgent crap posting because i have too many thoughts and shidge deserves to be explored without being called pedophilia or anything of that sort but I DIGRESS. 
> 
> this fic will be updated (maybe) if i can figure out AO3 and stay interested long enough to write more than the three chapters i've already done because if there is one thing i'm not, it's consistent (or timely. also i'm a junior. you see where i'm going with this.)
> 
> ummm anyways because~ this is an AU I have to lay out some things so have a seat and let me tell you a thing  
> \- shiro and matt are 20 and katie is 17 at the start of the story  
> \- as characters get added (~ooh complexity~) their ages will be mentioned  
> \- i've decided that the garrison base is like a college instead of a high school, and it's in arizona. have i been to arizona? no. have i seen images of arizona? ...also no. can i point to arizona on a map? probably not, but i am a Writer™ so i know things.  
> \- this is a fun, indulgent fic as i said previously, so like, let's not take it too seriously. you don't like a ship? don't read. you don't agree with a headcanon or a plot point? don't read. IF YOU CAN'T DISAGREE WITH THINGS IN A POLITE AND RESPECTFUL MANNER DON'T READ (god i sound like those annoying writers... whoops~)  
> \- as you can clearly see, i can't summarize things in a clear, concise way, so expect lots of long author's notes (if i, y'know, post an shit)  
> \- i curse. that seems pretty important to mention...  
> \- any special formatting will be explained in chapter notes, because i have never been, or ever will be, consistent
> 
> anyways, hope you enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> katie and shiro become katieandshiro, part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from galway girl by ed sheeran (i have as much creativity as a limpid sponge, so all chapter titles will be from songs)
> 
>  _This is a song lyric_ **This is a text message**

It starts with Katie setting the table and her mom going, “One more place, darling!”

“Are we getting a visitor?” she asks, doubling back to the kitchen. Colleen turns from the stove and smiles.

“Matt is having a classmate over,” she replies, "so go wash up and wear something proper.” Katie glances down at her stained t-shirt and groans. Guests are the _worst_.

 

* * *

 

Takashi Shirogane is the most reserved, boring (attractive) person she’s ever met. He brings dessert, and says, “Please, call me Shiro,” and laughs at Dad’s stupid pea jokes. Matt seems to find him alright though, and if Matt can dorm with him for all these months and not find a problem with him, Shiro’s probably cool (or Matt’s obtuse). She grins politely and passes the mashed potatoes and 100% doesn’t blush when their hands touch over the dish. Of course.

“Well then, what type of project are you boys working on?” her dad asks. Mom rolls her eyes at the interest in his gaze. 

“Well, Mr. Holt-” Shiro begins.

“Please, call me Sam.”

“…Sam, it’s a flight simulator. Pretty run of the mill, but it’s our final project, so we’re trying to cram as much as possible.”

“Yeah Dad,” Matt interjects, “Shiro here is the pilot, and I’m the co-pilot-slash-engineer. From what we’ve heard, it’s some sort of disaster sim, with three basic forms…” Matt starts to drone, so Katie spears dome more chicken and tries not to stare at the unexpected guest.

 

* * *

 

Shiro starts to come around every time Matt comes down from the Garrison. Mom is enamored because he offers to wash up every time. Dad appreciates his respect of science and the occasional soccer match. Katie’s… not so sure.

On the one hand, he’s like an extra brother. He tugs at her hair and pokes her between the eyes as greetings, and calls her “Katie Kat” like Matt. He and Matt joke about boys and other stupid things around her, and nine times out of ten he has her clenching jaw and fist.

But.

But. He finds her working on Rover, an AI side project, and doesn’t immediately stick his hands into it without her permission. Instead, he pulls a textbook off a shelf one day and parses out an elementary discussion about it the next time he comes around. He has a guilty tendency of bringing her the peanut butter cookies from the Garrison caf that she has an unhealthy obsession with. Sometimes, instead of tugging at her hair he runs his hand through it with a dopey soft grin on his face.

Katie’s… not so sure.

 

* * *

 

Shiro meets Matt on the first day in the Garrison. He’s running late, so he misses the chance to introduce himself to his roommate’s family. (Though his own is thousands of miles away, he can still feel the heat of his mother's disapproving glare.) When he opens the door, a young brunet with glasses looks up. He casually waves and goes, “Yo, I’m Matt. Nice to meet you.” He responds in kind, “And I’m Shiro. Looking forward to our time rooming together.”

At first, Shiro is painstakingly polite. He studies in silence, turns the light off a full hour before lights off, and keeps his side of the room spotless. And then, it’s midterms, and there’s only so many times you can dissuade your roommate from drinking Redbull-espresso-Mountain Dew cocktails before you become friends. Matt becomes Mattie, study sessions are held with bad synth-pop as loud as it can go, and Shiro feels… good.

Suddenly, it’s the last quarter, and the final project’s announced. Thankfully, dorm mates are paired together, to increase available working time. It’s a sim, unlike the previous written tests, and in a stroke of sheer luck, he’s chosen as pilot. For one, flying comes to him like breathing; Mattie also can’t steer for shit. “I’m heading up to my place,” Matt announces, “like an hour drive from here. Why don’t you come with? We can study there, and my dad’s been on a couple missions so he might have good tips.” And Shiro agrees.

Mattie’s family is pretty standard – wife, husband, two kids, a dog – what he recalls was coined the American Dream. Colleen and Sam are good people, and Colleen cooks some of the tastiest food he’s had all year. And then there’s Katie.

Katie doesn’t seem to like him from the get-go. She glares at him frostily, and the polite smile she has on all throughout dinner is fake. As his visits continue, she warms up to him, but still –

She’s cranky and rude pre-coffee, he quickly discovers. Even with her hair in pigtails and bunny slippers on her feet, her glare can melt through steel. When he gets in her way, her words are harsh and usually vulgar. Yet somehow, her mind is forever online. As sleep-deprived and angry as she is in the morning, she can still run circles around him academically, and for her to be three years his junior, it’s… unsettling. She lives to annoy him and beats all his high scores. ALL OF THEM. “For the love of all that’s holy, tell her to stop!” he groans at Mattie one day. He’d thought the near perfect score would be the pinnacle of his career. Katie’s perfect score says otherwise.

(She also smiles like sunshine after dinner, and clings to anyone and everyone to cuddle. Most visits end with her head on his thigh, a blissed out smile on her face as he scratches her scalp. When she’s pliant like this, the high scores and harsh glares fade away so fast it’s scary.) 

 

* * *

 

Katie and Shiro become KatieandShiro in two parts and it starts like this –

“Shiro,” Matt calls, “there’s a bonfire down by the beach after sunset; coming with?”

Before he can reply, Katie vaults over the sofa and cheers, “Sounds great! What time do we leave?” For a moment, Mattie’s face sours.

“No can do, Katie Kat. Big kids only.” She smirks in her seat.

“Seems legit. Mom and I can have great bonding time over how you’ve been drinking and partying instead of studying!” Matt pales, and Shiro coughs away a laugh.

“Jesus, fine. You, me, and Shiro, I guess.”

Leaving for a “study group,” they pile into Matt’s busted-up Jeep. They pick up a Garrison girl by the name of Andrea, Matt’s crush of the hour, and Shiro, ever the dutiful wingman, moves into the back seats. Katie’s sprawled out, her cropped tank flashing a sliver of skin. Her hair is half pulled into a ponytail, half-down, and she’s bouncing in her seat. The sparkle in her eyes makes his throat dry up (HER BROTHER IS RIGHT THERE). “Rules of partying, Katie Kat?” Matt calls out. She straightens up.

“Stay in sight, don’t drink from a cup I’ve put down, no fuck boys, tell you or Shiro if I’m going to the bathroom, don’t get too drunk. Anything else, _Mom_?” Andrea giggles, and Matt pushes her teasingly.

“Just making sure.”

The beach is empty, save for the huge group of Garrison kids. Two bonfires are already blazing, kegs are everywhere, and the music is loud as fuck-all. “Andy and I are gonna grab some drinks,” Matt calls, and they melt into the crowd. Katie grins up at him expectantly.

“Alright,” he sighs, “go on, have fun.” With a whoop, she runs to the nearest keg.

Shiro, being the _wonderful wingman_ he is, is the designated driver, so he sips at a beer and keeps an eye out for both Holts. He’s taken a seat by the bonfire that doesn’t reek of weed, finding a place on a log. Katie is bouncing along to the beat of whatever Top 40s hit is paying, Solo cup in hand. She chattering to some guy next to her, who unabashedly inches closer. The song goes from bubblegum pop to something slow and sensual, and Katie and the guy start dancing. He’s behind her as her hips sway in those _tiny_ jean shorts and Shiro can’t help but clench his fist. As the song fades out, he leans in to whisper something, and she jerks away as if she’s been burnt. She starts to walk away, but he’s tailing her. Shiro’s eyes narrow, and he gets up.

“– and I _sure_ don’t want to fuck you, creep!” she finishes. He steps up and touches her arm.

“Everything alright here, Katie?” He stands straighter and feels a jolt of pride at his taller and more muscular figure. The guy’s sleazy grin drops off his face, and he stammers out an apology, hightailing it out of there.

“Thanks man,” she murmurs, draining her cup. She glances at his empty cup, and grins. “Another?”

They sit close to the fire, sipping their drinks. He sees her inching closer to the flame, shoulders trembling imperceptibly. He lets out a small huff, and pulls his sweatshirt off. “Katie Kat,” he calls, waving it at her when she turns.

“ _Fuck_ yes please,” she whines, throwing her arms up. He helps her put it on, chuckling as she wriggles her head out of the hole. He’s smoothing out her hair when she asks, “You aren’t cold, right?”

“Course not!” he replies, but the tank top he’s wearing says otherwise.

“Shut the hell up,” she laughs, and throws his arm over her shoulder, burrowing into his side. “Here,” she says, “personal space heater.” The festivities are dying down now, and the teens are either smoking, drinking, or making out by the fires. Some kid pulls out a guitar, and starts playing cheesy love songs like this is some high school movie. A girl playfully sings along, and suddenly it’s like a mini-concert.

 

_I met her on Grafton street outside of the bar_

_She shared a cigarette with me while her brother played the guitar_

 

Katie’s foot taps to the beat, and she hums along under her breath. Shiro absent-mindedly realizes that his hand is still running through her hair, but chooses not to stop.

 

_I never heard Carrickfergus ever sang so sweet_

_A cappella in the bar using her feet for a beat_

_Oh, I could have that voice playing on repeat for a week_

 

“D’you have fun?” he asks, his voice a murmur at her ear. She turns to face him, her hair the untamable halo he’s used to. The smile on her face is huge, and her cheeks are stained red from the alcohol.

“Yeah, this was great!” Her arms fly out, and her takes her by the wrists before she knocks someone out. And then.

And then.

Her eyes glow honey brown in the fire, and her grin softens into something more… _secret_. The flush on her cheeks deepens, traveling across her nose and highlighting her freckles. He can barely see her fingertips from the size of his hoodie, and his face gets hot. The song swells up again. Her pulls her close, bringing her arms around his neck. His hand rests on her cheek. Her head tilts up as his moves in. And then.

 

_Kissed her on the neck and then I took her by the hand_

_Said, “baby, I just want to dance”_

_My pretty little Galway girl_

 

Katie tastes like the half-dozen rum and cokes she’s downed, her mouth open and pliant against his. Her arms tighten around his neck, and their knees knock together. This isn’t Shiro’s first rodeo; he’s kissed random girls at parties before, but somehow, this feels different. Somehow, this feels more _right_. A burst of applause ends the moment, and the two shoot apart so fast Katie nearly tumbles off the log they’re perched on. His face burns as he stares like an idiot, and her slack-jawed face turns a similar crimson shade. They’re both silent, and then Katie throws her head into his lap, face turned away. Shiro breathes out shakily, and tries not to focus on the familiar weight in his lap.

 

**Mattie: Staying the night @ Andy’s. Take Kat home and don’t w8 up (1.18am)**

**??? (1.19am)**

**Shiro: Heading out now (1.30am)**

 

Instead of clambering into the front seat, as Katie is oft to do when Matt isn’t around, she lays down in the backseat and promptly passes out. The drive back is silent save for her snores. After dropping her off, Shiro makes his way to the Garrison dorms. The drive is even more awkward, as there is no one to distract him from his thoughts. As he makes his way to bed, the only thing on his mind is Katie’s plush lips on his.


	2. stargirl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> katie and shiro become katieandshiro, part two (the after-hour edition)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from stargirl interlude by the weeknd because I am _such_ trash for the weeknd and listened to him while typing so here ya go.
> 
> hey guys, this is a rare unicorn - an update in under a week! please don't expect things to be this fast, sadly, but four day weekends do that do a girl. anyways, let me start off by saying _thank you so much_ for all the love and support! y'all have really made me feel validated an shit... *tears up* 
> 
> anyways, this chapter is the one that explains the "Mature" rating of this fic, and it's also the first smutty type deal i've ever written (and it's not even proper smut oml, i am the president and founder of weenie hut junior if you haven't been told) so that'll be fun, right? there's also some "funky" formatting in the second part of the chapter, ( _this means a flashback_ )
> 
> Also, this is kinda extra, but the closest reference to Katie (again, from the second part) is some beautiful artwork by maryomahmed on tumblr, but I'm too much of an ao3 noob so heres the full link : http://maryomahmed.tumblr.com/post/165300810511/pidge-ref! (It's such a beautiful and spot-on Pidge, so go send loads of love!)
> 
> Hope you enjoy~

Mattie most likely comes back to the dorms mid-morning. Shiro adds that “most likely” because he wakes up around 11 to him pulling back the curtains. “Up and at ‘em, Shirogane!” Mattie cheers. He gurgles in response. “Nah bro, you’re not allowed to be sleepy,” Matt argues, “Andy and I are a thing!” Shiro pulls the blanket off if his head with a weak glare.

“A _thing_? What year is this, 1990?” he grumbles. Mattie pouts back and _fuck_ is it inconvenient that he and Katie are like carbon copies.

“I’m going to pretend that you are in full support of my new relationship and did not just try to ruin my happiness,” Matt continues. “Are you this grumpy because you bringing Katie home made you leave some girl yesterday?” Shiro its up with a start.

“WhatnoIdidn’t _whosaidthat_?” he splutters.

“Terry from Cargo? saw you with some girl by the bonfire.” Matt throws himself onto the bed. “Getting _cozy_ , weren’t we?” For a moment, all Shiro can think about is Katie’s mouth on his and then – _he kissed Mattie’s sister_.

“He was probably high,” he replies, trying (failing) to keep his voice level.

“ _Jesus_ , it was that bad?” Mattie has this terrible habit of reading him like a book. “Fine, we won’t talk about it.”

 

* * *

 

Katie wakes up to a mild headache, rum breath, and the thought of Shiro kissing her on loop. “Oh fuck,” she mumbles, pressing her hands into her face. The sleeves swallowing her hands confirm her greatest fear – that definitely wasn’t a dream.

Katie wasn’t blind, and she wasn’t stupid. Shiro was really fucking hot, and she maybe (most likely) had a huge crush on him. For someone older than her he was sweet, teasing but never mean, the perfect brother’s best friend. He was also a huge gamer like her, and they constantly butted heads over first place (MarioKart was always an adventure when Shiro was around), but they still trusted each other fully in two-player games. As friends, they were the perfect pair. As more…

She wasn’t going to lie and say she’s never thought about it – it’s hard to end every dinner with your head in someone’s lap _without_ thinking of how you’d be as a couple. She pulls the hood over her head and burrows into the soft fabric. The smoky rich scent that usually calms her down ratchets her thoughts even more. But for now, she just sits still, and _wants_.

The next time he comes over is awkward – she can’t choke out two words around him without giving her best impression of a tomato, and every time he touches her, his hands seem to linger. So instead, they sputter half-assedly at each other and stay as far apart as possible. For the first time in weeks, the night ends without her plastered to his form. In the heat of summer, she’s never felt so cold.

* * *

 

Summer vacation begins at Garrison, and while Matt finds himself at home, Shiro faces a more complex predicament. His family lives in Japan, and though he’d gladly spend the summer with them, the honor’s course he’s enrolled in means he has mandatory summer classes. And so, it goes like this;

Shiro spends two weeks in Japan, catching up as much as he can with his family. The fresh air of the mountains they live in clear his head like nothing else, and the first time he eats his mother’s curry, he might just cry. Just a little. By the end of the weeks his throat clams up, and he misses them all even before he leaves. (He buys her a plush, a fluffy cat with a wrench in hand. When he remembers that they _aren’t quite like that_ anymore, he leaves it perched atop his headboard.)

The Holts then graciously offer Shiro the guest room until he can find a more suitable lodging. One morning, Katie pads in wearing an eerily familiar sweatshirt. They both freeze, and she runs out of the kitchen beet red. The look of the thick fabric brushing at her thighs is branded into his mind.

There are more moments like this; hands touching over salt shakers, accidental encounters late at night that leave them both red-faced and sputtering. It’s a miracle Mattie doesn’t catch on. (Sam and Colleen, on the other hand, share knowing looks behind their backs.)

They get better, and it goes something like so:

Shiro’s alarm doesn’t goes off, and he wakes in peace for about half a second. He then sees the time, shouts, “FUCK FUCK FUCK!” and jumps into the shower. Katie hears the commotion, and starts moving almost subconsciously. By the time Shiro is running into the kitchen, she’s tossing a bagel at him and shouting, “JUST GO!” They move like they used to, weaving in and out of each other’s space like second nature.

“Katie Kat, you’re a doll,” he praises, grabbing his bag – she tosses the car keys in at the last second – and rushing out the door. That night, when Shiro and the Holts watch a documentary on Antarctica, Katie leans her head on Shiro’s shoulder and tosses a leg over his knee. He doesn’t turn (it’s a damn near thing), but rather runs a hand through her hair absentmindedly, a soft smile on his face.

But they aren’t just Katie and Shiro, not the way they used to be. Now touches that would’ve glanced linger, grins become warmer and more intimate, and when Mattie goes out with Andy (or Luka or Ashley), Shiro is less inclined to go into the guest room the moment the front door shuts. But, he forces himself to remember, she is seventeen – A MINOR – off limits. And that keeps him grounded.

Well. Until she isn’t.

 

* * *

 

By the time April 3rd rolls around, he is long settled in his own apartment. Its 11pm, and he’s working on a paper when he hears the doorbell ring. It’s his takeout, he supposes, going to open the door.

(It’s not his takeout.)

Katie is in a miniskirt and crop top, her favorite jacket pulled down to her elbows. The hands on her hips conceal the iron-on alien head he watched her painstakingly apply.

“Let me in.” And he does.

They stand facing each other, her eyes trained defiantly on his (his eyes try to wander, to trace the line of her thighs, but he stops himself.) Her stance doesn’t waver.

“I like you,” she starts, blunt as she always is, “and I’m pretty sure you like me, yet we’ve been dancing around each other like _idiots_.” She steps up, into his space as usual, and cups his face in her hands. “I hate being an idiot,” she murmurs. She brings him down to her, and presses her lips to his.

This isn’t like the first time. The press of lips is intentional, a line in the sand saying, _I am here, so, where are you?_ Shiro can feel the line of her body on his, the way she reaches up on tip toes to slant their mouths together and _fuck_ is he gone. His hands press into the small of her back, drawing her closer to him. At this, she lets out a small moan, mouth opening against his lips. He takes this opportunity to taste her mouth, press his tongue to hers, mindless of the groan form his throat. Like everything else, here they work as one. When his hand travels downwards and cups the ass of her denim skirt, she hitches a leg along his waist, and then she is in the air, pressed against a wall. They break apart, and her spit-slick mouth makes his stomach tighten.

“Bedroom?” he asks breathless. Her grin is downright wicked.

“Bedroom.”

 

* * *

 

He wakes up to an empty bed, a nest of blankets just barely warm from body heat next to him. He rubs a hand over his face and groans. Mattie is going to _kill him_. When he steps out of bed, the pool of clothes on the floor (- _she grins wicked as her hands glide under his shirt, pressing into thick planes. His hands move in tandem, pressing flat against her ribs as her breath hitches, cupping the smooth lace of her bra, thumbing over her_ -) tells him he isn’t the only one home, but that is a problem for a Shiro with clean teeth and not-sweaty skin.

He’s toweling off his hair while tugging on sweatpants when he finds her in the kitchen. Shiro can’t be serious when Katie is half on the counter, straining to grab a bag of flour. He tries to ignore the way his shirt is bunched at her thigh (- _her skin is velvet soft, and a little salty from sweat. “Okay?’ he asks, gently mouthing at her inner thigh. Her only reply is a soft pant, but her hand grabs a fistful of hair and presses him further. She’s beautiful, warm and wet and pink, and when he presses his mouth forward, she bites her fist with a whine. “Let me hear you,” he murmurs, tracing her folds before_ -) and reaches over her head. “Welcome to the land of the living,” she greets, “now help me make pancakes.”

There should be more to this, a serious talk maybe, but instead he’s smirking at her astounded “oohs” when he perfectly flips yet another pancake. They make too many, probably because Katie has read off a random chocolate chip pancake recipe from her phone and proves to be distracting when she is in the mood. She’s perched atop the counter, snacking on chocolate chips and stealing bits off pancakes when she thinks he’s not looking. When he’s halfway done, she turns on the fancy-schmancy coffee maker he’s always too tired or too stupid to operate, and by the time the last pancake hits the plate, the kitchen is filled with the aroma of a Columbian roast.

They sit on the island and eat the pancakes in hand, draining coffee cups all the while. Her legs swing out like a child, and she lets out a content hum. The childish action makes the breakfast feel like sawdust in his stomach. Katie Holt, for all her newfound legality, _is still basically a child_. The problems sweaty morning breath Shiro pushed aside come back into focus. “Katie,” he says, “we shouldn’t have done that.” Her entire body stills, but she shrugs nonchalantly.

“I can’t see why not; I like you, you like me, seems pretty cut and dry,” she replies, fingers curling tight around her coffee mug.

“You just turned eighteen, and you were coming from a party. I shouldn’t have taken advantage.” She turns to glare at him.

“Yes Shiro, _eighteen_. Not eight. I only had a beer last night and _you know_ I’m not a lightweight,” she argues. “And before you get it in your head that you deflowered me or tarnished my virtue or whatever, that wasn’t my first time. I know what I want, and what I want is you.” She tugs him off the island and guides him between her legs. “First time I’m taller than you,” she reckons, a soft smile on her lips. “So, tell me, what do you want?” (- _she’s beautiful like this, he thinks dazedly, hand on his sternum, carefully mounting his cock. When she bottoms out, she lets out a hum, letting herself get accustomed to the stretch. “ Fuck_ _Shiro,” she laughs, breathless. The wind is knocked out of him when she gives an experimental squeeze and then rolls her hips. “Okay?” she asks._ )

Katie, Shiro realizes, makes it hard to think. Her hair is wept up in messy pigtails, and the neck of her (his) shirt is pulled down off her shoulder, and he probably can’t make words.

“Mattie’s gonna kill me,” he says finally, pulling a laugh from her lips. Her thighs bracket his (- _she comes with a start, a full-body tense that dissolves into a trembling release. Her head falls into the crook of his neck as she lets out a low “Fuuuuuuuuck,” and he chuckles, fingers carding through her hair. They lay like this for a moment, silent, before she pushes herself up. Her eyes sparkle honey-gold as she whispers, “Now you.”_ -) and gives a little squeeze.

“Fuck you,” she laughs, “don’t bring up my brother when I’m trying to set up the mood.”

It’s his hand on her cheek now, as he murmurs, “Set up the mood, huh?” and nips at her jaw.

“Mmhmm,” she replies, “don’t ever think I’ve had sex in a kitchen.” A hand reaches for his ass, and _squeezes_.

(She’s bent over the island, feet barely touching the ground, with his arms at her waist. “Good idea, yeah?” she laughs, breath hitching as he thrusts _just right_. She can feel the heat coiling in her belly, pleasure mounting higher, _high_ – “ _Yes_ , right there,” she chokes, head turning to face him. His eyes, dark with focus, meet hers and she hisses, “Change your angle _a centimeter_ and I’ll break your dick.”

“…That shouldn’t be as sexy as it is,” he groans. She comes with a laugh on her lips.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was it que sexy enough? was it _too_ que sexy? (there is no way that was too que sexy...)


	3. all about us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> katieandshiro, for all intents and purposes, is a sex thing. (well, until it isn't.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um... hi?
> 
> i'm late with this chapter (am i late if I never gave a clear date as to when it would be posted?) and like _it's not even because I didn't type up the chapter!!_ i was just too lazy to edit T-T so solz guys...
> 
> anyways, chapter title is from he is we, because i couldn't think of any other goopy relationship songs so we're bringing it ~back~ my friends.

Katieandshiro, for all intents and purposes, is a sex thing. Clearly put, she just kind of shows up at his door and makes him come so hard he can’t see straight (or look the other Holts in the eye). In turn, he just knows her body best, knows how to give her what she wants every time. She tends to stay the night, and grab breakfast in the morning, _but still_.

When the Holts have to fly out for a press conference and Matt has an important meeting the day Katie moves into her dorm at Garrison, he helps her pack because it’s the right thing to do. He brings her around the campus because hey, they might not be a thing, but they’re still friends. He helps her unpack because she has a lot of stuff, and unpacking Rover needs more attention than unpacking clothes. “My roommate doesn’t move in until tomorrow night,” she says offhandedly as he folds a shirt. He presses her into the mattress to make sure the bed is comfortable; he makes her come twice so they can see just how good the laundry machines are. (Unsurprisingly, his bed is softer.)

She comes to his place because she’s horny. Well, until she’s coming in because the library sucks. Or because she’s forgotten her textbook there, so she might as well study. Or because “SHIRO, THERE’S A DOCUMENTARY ON IN FIVE AND IF I DON’T WATCH IT I’LL DIE!” (“Katie.” “Yes?” “ _Katie._ You can’t tell me you believe this –” “I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT MOTHMAN IS VERY REAL—” She goes on to rant for a solid two hours, until he kisses her breathless, a soft grin on his face. In an astounding turn of events, even his couch is more comfortable than a Garrison bed.)

He brings her USB to her class because she forgets it at his place. He brings her a coffee (her favorite to be exact—triple shot caramel macchiato, coconut milk if there’s any) as well because it’s _nice_. Not because of her glowing smile at the sight of the cup, or the way she kisses him open-mouthed and caramel-tinged after her first sip. Not at all. (Her classmates stare blankly at the hot senior that brings Katie Holt coffee once a week. It’s pretty much routine now, but they still gape when she coos, “ _Baaaabe!_ ” and kisses the coffee cup. “Nice to see you too,” the upperclassman laughs. She takes a sip and hums, before tilting her head up. His lips press to hers, and someone in the back sighs dreamily. They part, and he goes, “Have a good day at class,” before exiting the lecture hall. Even the professor has to agree; they’re sort of couple goals.)

She starts to bring his laptop with her to class on his long break days because he complains about his boredom for a straight month, and turnabout’s fair play. (Never mind the fact that she’s loitering about his apartment at 12:30.) If she happens to bring him a muffin from the bakery that opens after he gets to class, it’s because the Holts didn’t raise an impolite child. Of course. (It’s definitely not because when he sees her walking towards him on the quad, he wraps her into a hug, takes his things, and presses a kiss on her forehead or that he then walks her to class, pouting comically when she steals bites, but giving her half anyway.)

It’s not until he’s scourging the web for a very rare and very expensive piece of tech that he realizes. He finds the stupid microchip, sees the price, and the college student in him goes _okay Takashi, what THE FUCK_. For a moment, he steps back, and he really thinks. Here he is, in the middle of _January_ , about to buy a microchip that costs like fifty burrito bowls, _because he heard her complaining about how she needed it for Rover to work_. “What, The. Fuck.” So, they might not just be a sex thing after all. (He still buys it, because on top of everything the shipping time is like TWO MONTHS and he does not have time for bullshit like this.)

 

* * *

 

April rolls around, and Katie wakes up nineteen with a leg possessively over Shiro’s thigh. She stretches as far as she can without shifting him about too much, but Shiro is the _lightest_ sleeper she’s ever met, so he blearily blinks down at her, and smiles dopily. “Happy birthday,” he murmurs, and somehow her face grows hot.

“Shut up, your breath smells like ass,” she evades, pushing his face away. He smirks playfully, before rolling atop her and attacking her face with kisses.

“Happy birthday,” he drawls again, stretching out his words so his breath gets into her face. She squeals with disgust, but still pulls him close for a (closemouthed) kiss.

“Thank you,” she murmurs sweetly, “now let’s go brush our teeth so I can stick my tongue down your throat.”

It’s a Saturday, so he drives her back home, where the life is hugged and kissed out of her. “Happy birthday sweet pea,” her dad murmurs, and she pulls him in closer. This year she’s opting for a more chill birthday, so they order sushi and watch all seven parts of the _Uncovering Mothman_ series. (When Shiro grabs her chopsticks and breaks them for her, she pays him no mind. Likewise, she hands off her root beer to drink 23 minutes in, because he has a curious habit of needing a drink 23 minutes into a show, but he’s too polite to pause anything to grab one. Matt is painfully oblivious, but Colleen nudges Sam’s arm and motions towards them. Sam groans and hands her a twenty.) She gets her presents from the family, and a peanut butter cookie cake, so by the time they are driving, she’s content.

“Tuckered out, birthday girl?” he asks, tapping her wrist. She flips her palm absentmindedly, and takes his hand in hers.

“Not that much,” she confesses.

“Good, stay up. You’ve got one more present to go.” Her sleepy eyes widen, and he grins at her surprise.

When he hands her the microchip, her jaw drops, and she vaults off the couch so hard she nearly throws him off. In mere moments, she’s fitting Rover with the chip, and she grins up at him. “If this works baby,” (his brain shorts out at the pet name), “I’m gonna suck your brain _out of your dick_.” She taps a few keys on her laptop, and the small bot boots up, gently hovering. “Hi Rover,” she coos, holding out her hands. It gently floats into them, and beeps cheerfully.

(She spends three more hours, making sure Rover 1.0 is up for basic movement and such. She then sucks his brain out of his dick, as promised. Once he’s returned the favor, he presses his face into her hair and mumbles, “Katie?”

“Mmhmm?”

“I don’t think were a sex thing anymore.” She reaches up, and intertwines her fingers in his.

“Nope, pretty sure we moved past that part.”

“Katie?”

“Mmhmm?”

“You—you can call me Takashi—I mean, if you want, you don’t have to of course—”

“Takashi?” His mind goes blank.

“Yeah?”

“Shut up and sleep.”) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for such a short chapter and the odd posting time, but in better news, i'm still writing! hopefully the next chapter is out... soon?
> 
> (random update - i fully said i would give the characters' ages as they appear and then I didn't?? what is the truth??? Keith is 18 when he first appears, if you wanted to know)


	4. giving love (in a family dose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> katieandshiro and family  
> (The author apologizes in advance for the excessive use of italics)  
> (The author also commends herself for that alliteration, though)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow. i'm back. quelle surprise, amirite??  
> *dodges rocks and a shoe*  
> i'm sorry for the 5-month unannounced hiatus of doom, but i'd rather explain that in the endnotes, so you can get the chapter you came for.  
> Hope you enjoy~
> 
> (the title is from we are family cuz i'm a spazzz)

The thing about families is that they are riddled with accidents. Accidental babies, the awkward bump of two strangers that blossoms into _more_ – the nature of families is unpredictable. The Holts and Shiroganes are no exception.

 

* * *

 

 

It happens at dinner. Katie is struggling to reach the salt shaker, muttering curses at her tiny limbs. Without breaking conversation with Matt, Takeshi reaches out and passes it over. “God, thanks babe.” It’s only when everybody freezes that she notices. Oh shit.

It is probably important to mention, dear reader, that they aren’t exactly sneaking about. Sure, Shiro jokes about the Holts killing him from time to time, but they also aren’t sneaking about in darkened halls and having impassioned rendezvouses. To be honest, they’re so open that Matt could’ve easily found out if he was on the right side of campus at the right time. It’s just that they haven’t spoken of their “not-a-sex-thing” since her birthday. Or announced it to anyone.

“ _Babe_?” Matt asks, eyes wide as saucers. Katie huffs and rolls her eyes.

“Yes, _babe_. Ta – Shiro and I are dating. Surprise?” She turns to see Takeshi looking like he swallowed a baseball. Colleen is the only one who fully reacts, clapping excitedly.

“Congratulations! I’m so happy you guys finally told us!” she cheers.

“ _FINALLY_?” The children choke. Sam chuckles with a nod.

“Come off it, you two. Your mother and I may be young, but we aren’t _blind_.” She can feel her cheeks heating up and turns to see her boyfriend(!)’s do the same.

“Woah woah woah. Wait. How long, exactly, has this been going on?” Matt asks, eyes narrowing at Shiro. She and Takeshi lock eyes and promptly start stuffing their faces.

“Wow Mom, this pasta is amazing!”

“Yeah Colleen, and this eggplant!”

“HEY!”

(Matt gets over it fairly quickly and claps a hand on Shiro’s shoulder. “Well, I personally think my sister is an odd choice for anyone, but I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks?” Matt’s smile goes impossibly wider.

“Only thing is, as much as I love you man, I’d hate to see watch she does to you if you _ever_ break her heart.” The air drops 10 degrees.

“I … would never?” Shiro stutters. The smile starts to look almost … plastic.

“Great! I’d hate to see you go like that!” Matt sidles off, and Shiro lets out a shaky sigh.

“I’d also hate to see Colleen tear into whatever’s left,” Sam adds thoughtfully. Shiro does not, _does not_ jump six feet in the air at the man’s unusually quiet footsteps. Of course not.

“I – I would, too,” he replies, breaking into a cold sweat.

“Good man.” (He may, or may not, stay out of Katie’s range for a solid week. Holt women? They are _scary_.)

 

* * *

 

 

The Shiroganes are a tightly-knit bunch. Even from thousands of miles away, Shiro feels this in the constant calls, texts, and care packages he receives. So of course, when he’s studying (dicking around in his Facebook timeline) and receives a Skype request, he is quick to answer it. The screen fills with his little sister, grinning.

“ _Itsuko, how are you_?” he asks, before frowning and glancing at the time. “ _Wait, why are you even awake_?” Her grin sweetens, and she holds up a notebook and a can of Redbull.

“ _Late night cramming, you_ should _know how it is, Garrison scholar_.”

“ _... Suki, it’s almost 3_.” She pouts comically.

“ _I can’t want to talk to my darling, only big brother, so far away in the States_?” she whines, dropping onto her bed with a hand on her heart and crocodile tears rimming her eyes. Suki never did seem to mature out of the child stage. The conversation drags into talk of school which then leads to Itsuko ranting wildly about her math class. “ _Who even gives a fuck about rational functions_!” she yells in a brilliant crescendo, slamming her hand on her desk.

“ _Oi, calm down, are you trying to wake Mom up_?” he reprimands, hand twitching at his side.

“ _She sleeps like the dead; a giant couldn’t wake_ –”

“Babe, I got takeout!” Katie calls out, opening the door. Suki’s rant cuts off abruptly, eye widening.

“ _BABE_?!” she squeals. He winces and turns to Katie.

“I didn’t know you were busy, sorry –” she starts.

He scoffs, “It’s just my sister,” (Suki’s affronted shriek goes unnoticed). “It’s fine, come join,” he reassures, swiveling about and opening his arms. She falls into his lap, he swivels the chair back around, and introduces, “This is Katie, my girlfriend.” From the corner of his eye, he can see Katie turning beet red.

“This _is Katie? Matt’s sister Katie? She’s so cute_!” Suki coos. From the tiny window onscreen, he can see Katie’s brow furrow in confusion.

“ _Oi_ , don’t be rude,” he snarks.

“I _said_ she’s super cute!” Her eyes meet Katie’s. “I’m Itsuko, but everyone calls me Suki. Now how did a pretty girl like you fall for an idiot like my brother?” Shiro mutters something or another about mini-demons, and Katie laughs.

“What can I say? He’s sort of… my idiot?” She turns, and playfully pats his cheek. He nips at her fingers.

“ _Ewwwww, you guys are so gooey-eyed around each other_ ,” Suki gags.

“What did I say about being rude?” Katie bursts into giggles.

(After the call has ended, she buries her head in her hands and moans, “Calling you babe is a curse – I’m never doing it again!” He chuckles at her childish nature, and then at the irony of it all.

“Don’t stop calling me babe,” he replies.

“Me and my big mouth outed us to both of our families you know,” she groans. “ _God_ wait ‘til your mom finds out.”

He winces at the inevitable scolding, but still smiles, “She’ll love you and I know it. Plus, you calling me babe? It’s cute. Keep doing it.” She rolls her eyes, but lifts her head and smiles.)

 

* * *

 

 

Nothing exciting happens for Keith Kogane. His first day of Garrison is uneventful, applying for a job at a nearby taqueria is standard, and his routine is monotonous at best. He wakes up at 6, leaves for class at 7:30, has until 4, works at 7, and comes home to an empty dorm (how ironic, that the quietest boy of his year is the one who doesn’t get a roommate.) And then chorizo burrito bowl, hold the cheese, extra sour cream comes along.

 _Obviously_ , his name isn’t actually chorizo burrito bowl, hold the cheese, extra sour cream, but that’s the only way he knows this guy. He lives a nice little apartment, a short walk from Garrison, and whenever he orders food, he greets Keith with a “Good evening, how’s work been for you?”

The thing is, no one’s ever nice to Keith. He’s some nobody who can pilot a fighter jet like breathing, so people either think he’s a try-hard or that he assumes he’s better than everybody else. His dad sure wasn’t nice when he up and left, leaving Keith alone in their tiny hole of a house making sure the feds didn’t notice. Hell, the big guy upstairs sure as fuck wasn’t nice to him when he took Keith's mom away before he could even start to recognize her face. So of course, he’s a bit of a social wreck. Whenever burrito bowl tries to make conversation, he either stammers out something standard (“F-fine, I guess.” “… Okay.”) or just up and leaves (one memorable instance, he forgets to hand burrito bowl said burrito bowl and doesn’t realize until he makes his way back to the taqueria. He throws in a free order of chips and guac and runs back, worse than before). Then he meets chicken and cheese quesadilla, extra onions, extra jalapeno.

It’s the first time burrito bowl has ever ordered more than a burrito bowl. The other workers, all aware of this extreme hotness, mutter gloomily while prepping. “I bet they’re hella hot,” Tanya the cashier groans.

“Hell yeah,” Marcus at the phone grouses, “I heard them in the background. They _sound_ hot.” The acting manager, Lores, hands Keith the bag and claps a hand on his shoulder.

“Report back to us, stat.” Keith still isn’t so sure why _these_ people are so nice to him either, but he nods.

As he walks out, Marcus yells, “TAKE PICTURES!” A dull clang rings from the kitchen; Tanya probably attacked.

The door of the apartment opens, and it’s kind of alarming when he has to look down instead of up. She’s chin-height, with a huge messy bun and a shirt that’s _obviously_ not hers on like a dress. “Hey, you’re the delivery guy, yeah?” How ya doin’?” she greets. Her eyes glint in that dangerous, toddler-on-sugar kind of way.

“Burrito bowl, hold cheese extra sour cream and chicken quesadilla extra onion extra jalapeño? He instead responds.

She’s grabbing the bag when burrito bowl calls out, “Katie, your Mothman show’s about to come on!” Keith’s eyes go wide and he blurts, “I love Mothman.” She freezes, and then her grin gets impossibly brighter.

“ _You do_? Oh my gosh, finally someone who understands, unlike _SOME PEOPLE_ ,” her voice gets louder as she turns into the apartment. “What time do you end work?”

“Eleven?” She glances up at the clock.

“It’s 10:57; wanna come in and watch?” _Where the hell are these nice people coming from?!_

“What?” he sputters. Burrito bowl comes along, grabbing the bag from Quesadilla – well, Katie, and smiling apologetically.

“Sorry, she gets excitable about… Mothman and stuff,” he grins weakly, even as she glares up at him.

“But he _believes_ , Takeshi! It’ll be great, he’ll say yes, _it’ll be great_!” She turns to face him. “Wait, what’s your name exactly?”

“Keith, um – Keith Kogane,” he stammers.

“Keith over here seems like a great, non-murdery guy – what do you say? Wanna clock out and come hang with us?”

Somehow, he finds himself back at burrito bowl (Takeshi?)’s house, for the first time in his civvies. Katie’s at the door again, now in a more appropriate t-shirt and leggings. “Keith, you came back!” she cheers.

“I, um, I brought chips. And guac.” He holds up the giant bag of cast-offs he usually brings back to the dorms.

“This is amazing. You’re amazing,” she gushes. “Coat rack’s in the corner, but you can throw your stuff anywhere, Shiro doesn’t mind.” She pads around the room like it’s second nature – maybe she’s been around longer than they thought? They take a seat on the couch when she asks, “Are you Garrison?”

“Yeah, fighter pilot,” he replies.

“Shiro’s fighter, too; maybe you two can complain about the teachers together! I’m Garrison too, but more along the lines of the sciency shit.” Shiro walks and molds against her other side.

“Wait a minute, Keith in fighter…” his brow furrows, and then he snaps. “You’re Kogane?” Keith nods, confused at his look of awe. Usually, people were disdainful when they realize who he is.

“Oh man, you _completely crushed_ all of my records – I heard you were amazing!”

“Wait – _you’re_ Takeshi Shirogane?” he asks, incredulously. Shiro curls in on himself a bit, scratching the back of his neck with a blush. “You’re like, my hero! I always dreamed of piloting with you –” he claps a hand on his mouth, face reddening.

“Keep doing as well as you have been, and it won’t be a dream – flying with you would be _awesome_ ,” Shiro says.

“We get it, you’re both space nerds. Now shut up, Mothman’s coming on!” She shushes them as the theme music begins playing, and Keith? Keith feels good.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright. time for explanations and shit. you guys are prolly like "wow, whimsy, what happened for FIVE FREAKING MONTHS?" and my answer is school, mental bleh, and idk how to explain, but a general disinterest in typing? like not even in the _fandom_ , just the whole writing-typing-editing spiel. like, unless you also write, you don't really realize the whole annoyance that posting can become, but let me not complain or whatever. quick q and a, yay!
> 
>  _are you never posting AGAIN?_  
>  no, definitely gonna keep posting and writing as much as i can. this kind of dropping chaps rlly randomly though? that might happen again, so soz in advance *awkwardly throws up a peace sign*
> 
>  _do you have chapters written up tho?_  
>  this is gonna sound so fucking bad. y i k e s. i have another chapter after this one, but it's just so freaking hard to type up and edit chapters guys. i also hit this block where like i don't know how to continue writing???
> 
>  _you don't know how to continue writing? smh_  
>  so like... i split this story up into arcs? in my head? because i only wrote one multi-chap fic before (it's an embarrassment, please don't find it and expose me kthxbai) and i realized v v recently that the next arc is actionpack'd, which u would assume makes sense or w/e, but i. _can't_. write. action. so now i'm here, desperately trying to figure out a way to write action while keeping my writing style and maintaining the plot but it's veering off into au-land, so wish me luck!!
> 
> alright, that's all, so i hope you enjoyed - comment, kudos, all of that good shit, and i'll see you when i see you??  
> (also maybe you should maybe read [this fic right here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13801107) that i wrote for a shidge valentine's exchange if you want but you don't have to it's alright (is this how you play hard-to-get?) tht jaidenanimations ref tho)  
> OKAY BYE


	5. wasn't expecting that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> katieandshiro and a rather compact progression, don't you think?  
> (the author does, in fact, think that, but it's more fun this way)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow um hi hello i am not dead. yet.
> 
> tell me how i decided that the best way to rebound from a 5-month hiatus is to have a 3-month hiatus. Only i have these shenanigans, i s2g. anyways, you did not click on this here monstrosity to hear more excuses. you came to read a fanfic. 
> 
> (if you wanted to know, the title is from a jamie lawson song of the same name ;) ) 
> 
> hope you enjoy, this one is a doozy~~

Months pass and June arrives, along with Matt and Shiro’s graduation. The ceremony is – well, to be honest, well, to be honest, it’s long as fuck and tedious as all get out – but nothing can replace the pride Katie feels when “Matthew Holt!” and “Takeshi Shirogane!” are called up to the podium.

Colleen sets up a dinner at theirs, and a startled Keith (Shiro’s plus-one) is dragged along because “ _Of course_ you’re coming to dinner, dear, unless you have allergies?”

“N-no, Mrs. Holt,” he stammers. The mother in question rolls her eyes and nudges him playfully.

“Mrs. Holt is my mother-in-law; call me Colleen.” Keith is lovingly sandwiched between Shiro and Matt (he’s tried getting between Katie and Shiro before – it was not the prettiest) and is served a heaping serving of dinner. After a calculating glance-over, Colleen adds a bit more. To be fair, he has been pretty much only eating guac, chips, and the occasional day-old empanada – but still, not usual. (After meeting Shiro and Katie, a lot more things have been… _not usual_.)

“I feel like I’m intruding,” Keith admits. Sam finally speaks up, a fond grin on his face.

“Nonsense,” he chides, “our kids have told us so much about you.” Shiro pinkens up at “our kids,” Katie punching him in the shoulder lovingly.

“Of course, only good things,” Matt assures, “but you’re practically an honorary Holt now.”

 

* * *

 

Every Garrison kid knows of the Calling Period – the month or two after graduation when graduates get assignments, Garrison or otherwise. Many joked that every Garrison alum stays glued to their phones (and emails. And mailboxes.) during the time, and to be honest, Katie gets it now.

Shiro wakes up, checks his phone, brushes his teeth, checks his emails, gets dressed, listens to his voicemails, eats breakfast (right next to the phone) – you get the drill. At first, it’s cute seeing her boyfriend spook at any phone ringing, but then it just gets ridiculous. They could be sitting on the couch, her head on his shoulder, the television starting to fade into white noise. She starts to lean up – and the phone rings. She feels his flinch and grabs his wrist. “Shiro,” she warns. The phone rings again, and his eyes go wide and soulful.

“Katie, sweetheart –” A third ring, and his hands twitch.

“ _Takeshi_ ,” she whines, “they’ll leave a message.” He grins sheepishly, shakes her from him, and hightails it to the kitchen.

It’s a spam caller. They sleep unsatisfied in more ways than one.

It all works out when he gets the email inviting him on the Kerberos 1 mission, _as the head pilot_.

 

* * *

 

The training period for Kerberos is a year long. During this, there’s training and meetings and training and lectures and simulations and _training_. It’s not all bad, knowing Matt and Sam have to suffer along with him (his passengers – what are the odds of that?), but the amount of scientific theory Shiro has to stomach is borderline ridiculous. “Tell me what you’re doing again?” Katie murmurs as they lay in bed one morning.

“We’re going to Kerberos, one of Pluto’s moon, to harvest ice,” he grumbled. She rolled her eyes and nodded exaggeratedly.

“ _Very nice_ baby, but elaborate.” She straddles his lap, and he grins up sleepily. “ _Science me_.”

“Drones have been stationed on Kerberos,” his hands bracket her hips, “and have found evidence of microorganisms frozen in the ice.”

“Sexy,” she jokes, placing her hands over his. Their fingers comfortably intertwine.

“If we go and find this evidence to be true, we’ve found concrete proof of life on other planets – or at least, prior life.” She smiles syrup-slow as he sits up, pressing his mouth to the back of her hand.

“I kind of love you,” she blurts. The mood – it isn’t ruined, but it stills. Her cheeks warm up as his eyes grow wide.

“A-are you serious?” he asks, voice low. It’s too late to back out now, so she looks away and nods. “Don’t get shy on me now,” he teases, turning her head to face him. He leans in, breathes three little words, and presses his lips on hers.

Of course, _they_ would figure this out in bed, late morning. Then again, that’s just how they are.

 

* * *

 

It’s halfway through the Kerberos training when Shiro wakes up (quite literally, it’s probably 3 in the morning) and realizes. It takes 4 months to reach Kerberos and establish orbit. They will be harvesting ice for 6 months, and it’ll take another 4 to get back. Kerberos will take 14 months in total to complete. He will be gone, _away from Katie_ , for over a year. Well, shit. All the serious things (mortality rates, wills, legal agreements) shoot into the forefront of his mind. He’s leaving Katie for a year. He may not come back.

“Takeshi?” she mumbles. When she peers up, his face is pale, eyes blown wide in fear.

“14 months,” he hollowly replies. She rolls her eyes, then pushes up to face him.

“What about it?” she asks, feigning ignorance.

“I’m going to be gone for 14 months – that’s not fair, _never_ fair to you,” he chokes. She takes his hands and hums in response.

“You’re right. That doesn’t seem fair,” he opens his mouth to speak but she continues, “too bad I’m in for the long haul.” His brow furrows.

“You think I haven’t thought of those 14 months? Think I haven’t gone over every single way I could lose you, memorized the 8.769% chance _you don’t come back to me_ , or the chance that yeah, a year passes, and you realize I’m not what you thought you needed?”

“Never –” he assures hotly.

“Think I haven’t thought of you spending 14 months with my dad and my idiot brother and realizing you don’t have time for such a crazy family? I _love you_ , asshole, now and 14 months from now and longer than that. Don’t try and make decisions for me.”

“And if I don’t make it –”

“I’ll go up there myself and find you. To the moon and back.” (Marry me.)

“Moon and back.” (Of course.)

(They come to the next family dinner with saran-wrapped wrists, dark with new ink. His says “To the moon…” and hers continues “…and back,” with a tiny moon resting on her pulse point. Along each left hand, fourth finger is a thin black band. Colleen tears up, and Matt thumps Shiro’s back just a touch too hard, grinning all the while.)

 

* * *

 

The last meal before Kerberos is a fast-eaten breakfast while rushing to the televised launch. He chokes down some toast while throwing on his Garrison uniform, she’s speed-eating yogurt while pulling on her dress. Once they finish, she grins devilishly and taps his shiny new medals. “You look _so fucking hot_ in uniform.” They end up late anyway.

Keith and Matt wrinkle their noses at her mussed-up hair and his off-center tie. “Disgusting,” Matt complains, “absolutely disgusting.”

“I’m not getting any for the next fourteen months, dumbass,” Katie retorts, “let me take what I can get.” Matt opens his mouth to argue, but then Sam and Colleen walk up and they’re suddenly back in high school.

Her hand in clasped tightly with his throughout the duration of the ceremony. It’s stupid and she knows it, but she can’t bring herself to tear them apart. Even if his hand is sweaty.

When he finally gets sent off, it’s not as dramatic as anyone would assume. While even Colleen and Sam share one last kiss, they are more sedate, quietly whispering to each to her. Her eyes well up with tears. He grins, and holds up their intertwined hands, pressing a kiss to her wrist. She smiles wetly back and lets him go. The drive back to the house has never felt so cold.

 

* * *

 

She gets audio messages every other week, little summaries of their time in space.

~~~

“If I see another frozen pea pack, I’m gonna barf,” Matt groans.

“Well _I_ think they’re delicious,” Sam retorts.

“I do admit,” Shiro adds, “we _could_ use some variety. Anyways Katie, I never considered how cold space could get –”

~~~

“Matt is getting bored, which means we’ve had to start hiding all of the expensive equipment –”

“ _I resent that_!”

“You mean you resemble that, dipshit –”

~~~

“Katie – _fuck_ – this is a lot harder than I’d thought it’d be. I love you.” (she plays this one on repeat until she realizes her vision is blurry and the stifled sobs are hers.)

She and Colleen send replies between weeks, throwing Keith into the mix whenever they could drag him to dinner. It’s not enough but – it’s close.

(It isn’t enough.)

 

* * *

 

It’s a pretty normal day for them, as they set the dinner table. The doorbell rings and Katie goes to get it. At the door is Iverson, one of her father’s superiors, dressed stiffly in Garrison garb. There’s regret in his eyes as he says, “Kathryn Holt, you were one of the contacts listed for Takeshi Shirogane?” Her breath catches in her throat.

“Y-yes, why –”

“We regret to inform you that at 1041, all contact with the Kerberos…” He continues to blather on, but all she can hear is the ringing in her ears.

“I-I, uh, I need, I need to sit –” She’s suddenly collapsed, lowly muttering “No no no…”

(It was supposed to be a normal day.)

 

{END ARC 1}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright so the moral of this story is DON'T DO AP CHEM AND PHYSICS AND PRECALC AT THE SAME TIME IT WILL KILL YOU AND YOU WILL DIE AND YOU WILL BE DED also this chapter amirite?? imo it's not an apology enough for the wait, but i though it was kinda cool okay? 
> 
> this is the part where i ~should~ be like "don't you worry guys now that summer's here i'm gonna glo up in responsibility and write SO MUCH and post every other week at x o'clock EST" but i miiiiiight be getting a job. and writing is hard ngl so if i make this a chore i just. won't wanna do it.
> 
> BUT i will try my very best to keep up with writing and lookie here i have the next chapter finished (i did that before posting this, look at me, ms productivity) so that should be up like next-next week??????? maybe. or next week. or tomorrow. i haven't figured out when (you should tell me in the comments ;)))))
> 
> SPEAKING OF COMMENTS WOW guys thanks so much for the love, even if i'm an unpredictable mess. the kudos and bookmarks and comments are unreal, and i love reading them! I still do, but i have a few i need to comment back on :p (guess what i'm doing next!!)
> 
> ANYWAYS this is a whole long rambly mess (can you tell i forgot how to fanfic) but next chapter we're finally almost to canon isn't that wiiiiiiild~~~ (speaking of canon season 6 bois.... T-T T-T what a fuckin ride)  
> unfortunately, i have to battle action AND computer science in the next couple chapters (guess who doesn't understand either... x-x) so expect loads of hand-wavey business
> 
> LOVE YOU ALL LOADS and see you next time~~~
> 
> (okay ik i just said bai but dudes my laptop died halfway through typing this and i thought i lost the whole freaking ramble and then my screen turned black so just so you know i nearly died twice in the making of this so pls read it)  
> (REMEMBER WHEN I SAID TWICE I MEAN THREE TIMES OML)
> 
> (UPDATE GUESS WHO DIDN'T KNOW AO3 WAS DOWN I HAD TO NYOOM GUYS THIS WAS NOT A DRILL)


	6. the game is on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> katie, this time, alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright y'all, betcha didn't expect to see me so soon, riiiiight?
> 
> i didn't either. then you beautiful people kudos my work and 100 KUDOS GUYS????? i love you all. thank you so much for reading my work even when i'm terrible at uploading. here's the next chapter. (just to clarify, this isn't that thing that some fanfic writers do (or did. idk man *old lady voice* back in my day they ran rampant) where they're like "300 comments and i'll post the next chapter uwu" it's genuinely just me wanting to thank you guys for the continuing support.) 
> 
> ANYWAYS enough sap. the title is (quite obviously) from sherlock, and i hope you enjoy!
> 
> (ALSO WOW I totally told artemisfawn down in the comments that I had news and then forgot said news tf am I but heyo ya girl got a 33 on the ACT (if you're not from the states, it's a college test thing and it's out of 36) so a bitch can actually go to college or w/e like wao I'd like to thank the academy???? My mom??? My Chem teacher?? You guys? Anyways celebratory chapter here ya go)

The best way to describe it is running on empty. Or trying to breathe with your head under water (–  gasping, _gasping_ ). There are probably even more sappy, romantic ways to describe how Katie feels after. It’s tiring to try.

She doesn’t stay in bed. She cries once, wipes her eyes, and continues. She stays strong (with her mom, _for_ her mom), and she goes outside ad buys her groceries like the next girl. (People keep looking at her with sadness in their eyes – _don’t look, it’s the Kerberos girl_. She stops going out as much.)

One of the funniest things about death is that you never really have time to plan for it, and when it happens, you never seem to have time to stop. She and her mom pull on black dresses straight off the hanger and speak at the press conference, off the hanger and at the funeral (“don’t cry baby, the camera’s on us –”), off the hanger and at the memorial; running, running, _running_. She only catches Keith once, and he smiles so brittle she leaves him to it. One day becomes two, then a week, a month, and Katie keeps moving. She’s still with her mother, still stumbling (it’s almost hilarious how much is easier it is to set five places instead of two), but she’s there. Alive. Of sorts.

(The apartment is leased and stays unchanged without them. She’s stuck in a limbo – too afraid to step inside, too afraid to let it go. She wakes up in her childhood room and wishes away the warm body that could’ve bracketed hers.)

 

* * *

 

 

It all changes when she hears that Keith has been discharged from Garrison. With that, she knows that she has been in the dark for too long. For the first time in months, she boots up her computer. Reads the fucking news. Realizes that though she has fallen stagnant, the world has moved on. And then she checks her email.

Her inbox, usually the only neat thing she owns, is filled to the brim with unread emails. Concerned professor, spam, Garrison, spam, old photos – wait. She scrolls back up, reads the subject. _One new audio recording_. She clicks. It’s dated just before… before. The last thing he’d ever say. She presses play.

“Baby,” he greets, and just like that, she’s taken back. Her throat presses tight, and her eyes start to water. It takes a moment for her to blink the tears from her eyes.

“Baby,” it starts off again, “come up to space and tell your brother to stop fucking annoying me –”

“ _EW_ ,” Matt shrieks, “don’t call my little sister baby like that, it’s disgusting!” There are sounds of a scuffle, and she laughs, tears tracking down her cheeks. Another moment passes, and she can hear her father’s faint “Settle down now!” in the background.

“ _As_ I was saying,” Takashi continues, breath labored, “we have _finally_ gotten to this freaking moon. Matt nearly creamed his pants at some bacteria shit –” He cuts off with a grunt, and Matt takes over.

“I had a sample of some of the ice here, ran it through some tests – titration, indicators, the like – and a photo spectrometer analysis came up with some wild shit. The analysis shows that it’s not pure water, but it’s… odd. The water is cloudy, right? Crap, I’ll send you pictures once I can – anyways, the meter came back with absorbances of damn near zero – fucking impossible! I know you’re more of comp-sci girl, but Dad and I have been _flipping our shit_.”

“ _Gaaah_ , go away!” Shiro whines. “Ramble in your own message!”

“ _Oooh_ , Shiro wants some alone time with his _girlfriend_ – remember, our walls are thin!” Matt’s voice trails off, Takashi grumbling about idiot brothers-in-law (to be – her heart jerks) and the sheer lack of privacy.

“We’re on Kerberos, as I was saying before _I was interrupted_ ,” she can practically hear his put-upon eye roll, “and it looks… Jesus, Katie-cat, I wish you could see it. We can’t send pictures yet, because leaks or something, but I’ve been taking some for you. I might even sneak you some moon rocks, see what kind of crazy shit you can science from it.” There’s this giant whirring sound that starts up and stops.

“That’s the airlock, don’t worry. Sam probably took your brother out so he’d stop bitching,” he chuckles. “They both miss you – both of you, a lot. Sam tells stories about him and Colleen, back in their Garrison days. She was such a badass, gosh. Did you know she was commander of the bomb squad? Holy shit – I knew she handled missions from time to time, but _explosives_?” His voice turns wistful.

“She reminds me of you, y’know. Apparently, she tailed your dad in R+D for two months until he said yes. I guess I’m the Sam then, fucking enamored.” She bites her lip, trying not to cry when there’s a giant boom. “The fuck –” Another crash, and static overlays what sounds like… a fight? There’s a series of serpentine hisses, and the audio cuts out with a crunch.

“End of audio message,” the familiar robotic voice intones. Katie is shocked still. Iverson had only spoken of a loss of contact, but from the sounds of the recording… she rewinds and listens again to the crash, the _hissing_. It appears the Kerberos ship gained unfamiliar contact once it lost Garrison’s.

 

* * *

 

 

She spends days playing the “Crash Sequence,” as she’s dubbed it, on repeat. It only takes a couple days to trim away at the sequence and starts upon refining the sound. “If only I could get rid of that static,” she murmured, clicking away at her mouse. At her arm, Rover whirring soothingly beside her, floating at her elbow. She runs a finger along its side errantly, and fiddles with the frequencies. A few isolated sound bytes later, and she’s left with a clear recording of the sounds.

To be honest… it’s not much. The hisses are clear, but that’s all they seem to be – hisses. The throaty sounds and clicks don’t match any of the background noises of the station, but are also no discernible language – at least, nothing human…

The next obvious step is to head to Garrison, but it’s probably not that simple. The vague accounts of Kerberos compounded with the message make the whole situation feel fishy. Figuring this out will require a bit more… _stealth_. A new goal in mind, Katie hunkers down. Time for a plan.

 

* * *

 

 

Let it be known that Katie is absolute trash at most things stealth-related. She’s wriggling into one of her mom’s old uniforms when Colleen delicately clears her throat. (She does not jump a foot in the air – no matter what her mom says.)

“If you’re gonna be sneaking around anywhere, you _might_ want to learn how to tread a little more softly,” she chides. Katie flushes, arm still halfway in the skintight sleeve.

“Listen, mom, I can’t tell you why, but I need to get into Garrison – databases if we’re talking specifics.” Her mother looks her up and down, taking in the resolved glint in Katie’s eyes, and nods.

“For one – you should probably put on something more modern. Garrison hasn’t used that uniform since before Mattie was born.”

She gets suited up in a charcoal number, snug on her figure and dressed in straps and pockets. Her hair is pulled up in a ponytail, and around her neck is a special issue scan card. “it’s programmed to wipe itself from Garrison databases after ten minutes – should be enough time for you to get in.” It’s inconspicuous, a normal-looking dog tag on a thin chain. It’s delicate enough that she can stuff it under the suit, and it lays flush. “I also have a couple Garrison blueprints…” Colleen grins.

 

* * *

 

 

Katie parks the Jeep a good half-mile off Garrison, in a communal lot. By the time she reaches the base, the sky is a deep violet. The half-moon above her head dimly illuminates the area, giving her enough light to sneak about. She enters the base with relatively few issues (– a guard nearly catches sight of her. She presses herself flush to the wall and dares not breathe. After a perfunctory glance about, he keeps moving. She huffs a sigh of relief.) At her arm is Rover, lowly humming as it hovers. A few turns and she finds herself in the IT hub.

She gets onto a computer, and thanks whoever’s up there for her mother and her modern-day skeleton key. A couple key taps later, and she’s browsing through the mission files. They seem to be ordered chronologically, but any and all data from Kerberos seems to have disappeared – all the way down to the backup files. Her eyes skim the folder names – _June 2090, December 2094, May 2101, November 2098, October 2104_ – just a minute.

“Chronological order, huh?” she murmurs. A click to May’s folder reveals a tight encryption, busywork for the resident Holt genius. As she suspected, it’s all Kerberos files – photos, bio stats, mission logs – jackpot.

Every engineering-track student at Garrison is made to memorize the failsafes installed in every piece of tech. Most are hardware-based – cooling systems, emergency brakes, and the like. However, one is coming to mind – every piece of Garrison tech is programmed to automatically file a status report twice a day. These logs contain a brief play-by-play of the 12 hours prior, with data varying depending on the type of tech. As she runs through the Kerberos logs, it seems that the logs are directly correlated to the ship itself.

 

**FEBRUARY XX, 2114, 0000 – 1200.**

**FROM THE HOURS OF 0000 – 0932, NO UNUSUAL DATA.**

**0932 – KERBEROS 1 RECEIVES FREQUENCY TRANSMISSIONS FROM AN UNKNOWN SOURCE. (ADDITIONAL NOTE:** We’re 90% sure it’s the ‘fresher on the fritz again –Matthew Holt **)**

 **1041 – AIRLOCK DISENGAGED. AUDIO RECORDER ENABLED:** 00:05:03

**1041 – KERBEROS 1 REPORTED OUT OF ORBIT. IMAGING IMPLIES THAT KERBEROS 1 IS MOVING… BACKWARD??**

**1043 – CONTACT LOST WITH KERBEROS 1. AUDIO MESSAGE SENT.**

* * *

 

 

Katie immediately sets Rover to copying and downloading the information, but continues to examine the files. _If they have Kerberos 1 mission logs, there should be logs for their space suits_ –. So deeply focused on her mission, she doesn’t even notice as Rover disconnects and begins hovering about the room. She does, however, feel the heavy hand grip her shoulder. With a gasp, she turns to see the one person she didn’t want to. “Iverson,” she grins weakly, “fancy seeing you here.”

“Funny. I was about to say the same thing to you.” He, unfortunately, is not grinning.

Kathryn Marie Holt is quietly fined $500 for trespassing on government property. From then on, she is dishonorably discharged from Garrison and formally banned from re-enlisting, consorting with, or coming into contact with Garrison personnel and property. (In her rage, she tears a line down Iverson’s cheek. It never quite heals right.)

Colleen gazes on worriedly when she is quietly escorted home.

“I’m sorry you didn’t find what you were looking for,” she consoled. To her surprise, Katie met her with a grin.

“Are you kidding me?” I got exactly what I wanted, and then some.” She connects Rover to her laptop and imports the Kerberos files. “And don’t worry, I’m not done yet; Kathryn Holt was banned from Garrison. No one else.” The game was on.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, so this chapter. i have things i wish to ramble about this time lookit me w a whole list or w/e
> 
>  _themes_  
>  (DAAAAAAAAYUM i even have freaking headers new whimsy who dis)  
> do you ever look back at your writing and like... just ruminate??? i've been doing a lot of reflecting okay BEAR W ME  
> so like i started this chap like fully months ago and without realizing it i wrote in some shit i personally find really cool so imma talk about it and stuff 
> 
> (okay wow just typed up that section and i think it warrants like a v mild trigger warning????? like just a lil bit there's like .01 seconds of me rambling about suicidal thoughts or w/e so if that will like put you in a not-good place PLEASE don't read skip to the next part of my rambling it'll be lighter and shit)
> 
> is this really just me gassing myself up? lowkey yes.  
> anywhoodles, i really feel like i played with the idea of grief in this chapter in a way that was v unintentional. like i kinda brushed upon the feeling of death and grief in like the first couple sentences in a way that i feel really plays into my mental health at the time?? like y'all this year has been. oh it has. long story short i was like highkey depressed and anxious in the beginning of the year boohoo whimsy (i'm okay now dw dw) like to the point of like suicidal??? like contemplative??????? it's a mess we try not to talk about mid-fall semester whimsy BUT like i wrote the beginning of this chapter coming off of that and i think you can really feel it?? like it struck this chord i'm off topic but wow.
> 
> SO GRIEF. you very briefly see that the way katie and colleen go through the aftermath is this not at all kinda deal, which i feel can sometimes be almost more realistic than the way it can happen on tv and stuff?? i mean ofc all grief is different and expressed in different ways don't get me wrong but i think i was drawing off how my mother was when her parents passed away, and how i was? cuz like i never really hit me since it never had the time to hit me ya feel? and then keith just smiling brittly (that cannot be a word what) just. dat me. i just feel some type of way about the beginning of this chapter okay.
> 
>  _sam x colleen (solleen??? collam?)_  
>  BOI let me start off by saying that i fucking love minor characters y'all. this is sum gud shyt bro. they're just these beautiful shells like tacos. or like jelly-filled doughnuts. yuuum.
> 
> SO colleen is my kween incarnate guyz. i love her. she a full boss. in my whole mind, she's a full badass cuz how can there be any non-kickass Holts bro. how. here's the sitch.
> 
> colleen the earth kween was a kickass Garrison special agent back in the day hun. she worked on a SEAL-type team as the explosives expert, and she's good at her job y'all. there is no bomb she can't detonate bih. around this time, she meets sam and tails this fool until he falls in love w her (cuz who wouldn't bitch it's colleen)
> 
> she has mattie but this queen still works cuz she's the best okay if not her than who else?????
> 
> but like one day she's on a mission and gets injured and THEN finds out that when she was on this mission where she was injured SURPRISE she was also 2 months pregnant bitch count ya blessings. so now shes a handler off-base cuz dying when you have kids is a bit not good. tbh y'all if you want me to write a one-shot or some shit about the purest ship aka samxcolleen aka solleen aka collam aka soylent aka whatever the fuck hit me up i'm lowkey fired up ready to go.
> 
> WOW okay so you survived my rambling. comment if you liked it. comment if you hated it and maybe i should keep to myself. add your own opinions, let's discuss guys (soz i watched two (2) introspective videos and now i don't know how to act)
> 
> thanks for reading and i'll see y'all... soon?? (lmao highkey not because i follow a whole system of having a backup chapter when i post a chapter but like we have no chapter 7 what a wild ride. wish me luck okay now actually BYE)
> 
> (wow okay no chill i'm back but for like half a second because GUYS FUCKING 10K WORDS WHAT THE FUKC here's to 10k more ;)))))))) )

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, hopefully you liked??? (~beijingyouliiiiiike~ MAN was i trash for big bang in the day)
> 
> if you did like it, comment! subscribe! kudos! i have the biggest validation kink so like if you like it do a thing! talk to me in the comments, for like fun and stuff, or y'know tell me my spelling is shit and i can't write plot cuz like... valid. also, is the formatting okay? pls tell me - I've never done this AO3 thing before and my stuff on ffn is... *shudders*
> 
> come through on tumblr and say hi as well! i'm whimsy01 there, so like talk to me or see what i'm obsessed with at the time (right now, it's shidge, bullet journaling, and haikyuu!!) (or like gently harass me to update cuz like *shrug*)
> 
> See you... eventually???


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